Somewhere beyond self-deprecating humour, beyond quick witted quips and rays of positivity, beyond to-do lists and video calls with family: there is a vacuum — a place where thoughts ricochet and become meaningless.
What does it mean to be productive right now? This is something I’ve been struggling with for the last few days, weeks, months..
And it’s not like this limbo is new to me. I’m an artist — literally everyone in my world gets this and yet ‘this’ is so severe. Everything is fleeting, the lessons, the rewards, the melancholy and the joy.
After 5 days of keeping this ramble on draft I finally opened J’s new track. And just like that — it is exactly what I need in this moment. A reminder of who I am and who I used to be all tied up in who he is and who he used to be.
Why do we take for granted the things, situations, people that make us who we are?
For today I am — somehow, still am, despite this endless limbo. For the moments when I let go, maybe someone else is holding on to an idea of me. And maybe for now, that is enough.